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Literature Text
I shake off the arms of the demons that are pulling me down
No I won't surrender and drown
I struggle to stand while their nails are digging deep in to my skin
Screaming loud just to block their poisonous whispers that hunt my mind
Looking around for the sunshine
Anything that can pull me out and help me escape those monsters that want to feed off my pain
As I wait my energy and strength begins to fade
I scream even louder but this time not to block the whispers but to cry for help
No I won't surrender and drown
Someone will come to hold me while I regain my strength back to fight and slay the evil demons
Minutes turn to months , time has weakened the hope I hold inside
There was no sunshine that killed away the darkness
There was no hands to pull me away from the dark hole
There was nothing but my echo screaming back at me
I don't want to surrender and drown
But no strength is left in me
And no one that cares enough to save me
No I won't surrender and drown
I struggle to stand while their nails are digging deep in to my skin
Screaming loud just to block their poisonous whispers that hunt my mind
Looking around for the sunshine
Anything that can pull me out and help me escape those monsters that want to feed off my pain
As I wait my energy and strength begins to fade
I scream even louder but this time not to block the whispers but to cry for help
No I won't surrender and drown
Someone will come to hold me while I regain my strength back to fight and slay the evil demons
Minutes turn to months , time has weakened the hope I hold inside
There was no sunshine that killed away the darkness
There was no hands to pull me away from the dark hole
There was nothing but my echo screaming back at me
I don't want to surrender and drown
But no strength is left in me
And no one that cares enough to save me
Literature
Dead love
When love dies
Leaving behind the shreds
Of something that was once beautiful
A little bit of you
Of who you really are
Dies along with it
As your broken heart
Slowly falls apart
Bringing you excruciating pain
It doesn't matter
How many times it happens
The pain is the same
Getting used to it
Doesn't help one bit
And we never learn the lesson
For we keep opening ourselves
Only to face disappointment
Again and again
In the end of it all
Only the memories remain
Both good and bad
Filling our minds
And raising questions
The "Why" and the "How"
That led something pure
Something seemingly perfect
To utter oblivion
Such sadness and pain
Leave sc
Literature
The Demons Inside Us
We all have something nestled inside of us
Besides the light that shines within
There is another power amidst the good face we show
It hides in the shadows of our mind
Completely unknown to us
Only provoked when we look to hell for help
Scratching their way through of minds
They take over and control our bodies
We are no longer the human we once were
Our eyes have blackened with hate
A foul odor possesses our voice
From which we are thrown from our minds
Into a corner
Watching as Hades makes us lose control
Until we completely lose our vision to reality
Then once they have finished their job
Giving our bodies back to us once more
Opening one
Literature
Dear Death
I sink my knees
into the sodden dirt
surrounding the grave
of a human long gone
I touch the stone's
chiseled cursive words
and trace the letters:
how gelid they've become
I stare at the flowers
that people have left;
upon the plot,
ham-handedly chopped
And I contemplate
my inevitable death
hoping no flowers are left
for the message they possess
"I'm trading life for death."
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Comments27
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Overall
Vision Originality
Technique ImpactI agree with the previous critic's overall assessment of the emotional impact of the work ... offering only the following small editing observations (*eyeroll* at 'pedantic.me). There are so very many highly trained and more experienced observers on dA that there is a hesitancy to what i have to say ...
small edit observations:
line three "digging deep into my skin" does not change the flow or pronounced pace.
line six "energy and strength begin"<.I> pluralities.
line ten "while I regain my strength to fight back and" there is an awkwardness to your original grammar that induces a stutter in the reader's mouth and mind; and does not convey the proper emphasis of your intent.
line eleven ", " the introduction of a leading space to the ',' again induces a visual stutter.
line twelve; your "that killed away the darkness" this is purely a stylistic observation ... there is a mouthed and mental awkwardness here ... you might consider reworking the words some to even the flow.
line thirteen "there were no hands" singular to plural.
The work as a whole, and this is purely a sort of ... impact style observation. Poetry needs have a certain 'musicality' to it; representing as it does the spoken mouthed beauty of the poetess's voice. I would suggest that at some future time when you revisit this lovely work you might fragment it, splitting each single lined 'punch' into smaller bits of tone, of whisper, of moan and shout.
I know that most poetry now presented by so many are fragmented, meant to follow the spoken auditory patterns ... and therefore might have become far too common. i would suggest, however, you examine that technique to invest this work with more of the auditory song quality that poetry so beautifully communicates.
It's a beautiful thing that you're composed; a lovely hurt bird. Thank you so much for sharing it here and keep writing ... there's much of you to adore.
Mandy